I don’t want to just live to 105; I want to thrive to 105!  The chapter I read this morning from Discover Inner Peace talked about being in the moment.  There’s a lot written and spoken about that these days.  If you’re like me, I take it in “in the moment”, but don’t necessarily practice it routinely.  But as I read the book this morning it struck me that if I want to “thrive” to 105, maybe I need to be paying more attention to the moments and let them nourish me so I am some day a happy, healthy centenarian, not a tired, frail one starved by lack of attention to the moments of my life!

One of my intentions is to some day have my own home where I can have an office with a window looking out at trees.  I want to have a table or desk facing the window where I can write while watching the trees…the wind blowing the branches and leaves, the birds and squirrels singing their songs and playing tag along the limbs.  At this very moment, I’m sitting on my bed looking out my window; and directly on the other side of the glass is a huge evergreen standing guard over the front yard with ivy hugging its trunk.  The house belongs to my roommate, and I’m in my bedroom, not an office; but what a shame I’ve wasted so many days with my laptop on my lap facing the door rather than the window!  How much more satisfying and fulfilling the moments are this morning writing with a simple change in direction.  Had I been paying more attention to the experience of the moments that made up my writing time, maybe I would have turned around more often, remembering how much more special the moments feel facing this great tree!

But maybe that’s part of the challenge, as well, especially as we get older.  We don’t always remember the moments once they’ve passed.  All the more reason, I guess, to savor the moments; because we can’t find solace in them once they’re gone, if we can’t remember them!  Oh, dear…that distresses me a little.  I can buy into cherishing the moments and not being distracted by what hasn’t happened yet or the boo-boo you made yesterday, but what about those great moments you just relished…what if you want to get them back…remember them again?

Maybe that’s why I’m a “hoarder” of sorts when it comes to memorabilia.  Rubbermaid stock has surely risen just from my purchases alone, filling containers of many hues with letters, pictures, programs, journals, and other trinkets that have constituted the moments of my life.  I was discussing this “habit” with a couple dear friends yesterday (Irene and Sharon).  How do you let go of this “stuff”?!  With a memory like mine (which wasn’t all that great even when I was younger…unless I was memorizing song lyrics), most of the moments preserved in those tubs would have been long gone.  Why else do we take a photograph…a moment captured in time?  So we don’t forget; so if we’re not totally in that moment or if we have crappy memories, we won’t feel as though we’ve lived our lives in a vacuum with nothing to show for the years that have slipped by too quickly.

Even though it doesn’t happen often, when I take a moment to pull a few things out and reminisce, I’m reminded why I keep the tubs full.  Nobody else will probably care what’s in them once I’m gone.  My kids don’t even seem that interested in the ones I filled for them with the moments of their young lives…the crafts and cards and school successes.  They’ll probably open them up one day and say, “What in the world was she thinking?”…although they probably won’t use the phrase, “what in the world”, if you know what I mean.  Maybe my granddaughters will care, just as I’m attached to moments saved from my grandmother’s life.  Honestly, I hope someone thinks it’s a little bit of a hoot some day to open the containers and spend moments they can get lost in learning about my special moments.  While I believe trying to actually live and be in the moment IS so important, being able to retrieve them…to me…is a strong second!

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In this second 50 years of my life, I am (once again) going through big changes, adjustments, and growth.  At the same time, for some reason, I am unusually prone to tears over things that really don’t warrant an emotional “outburst”.  As the gentlemen who bought my furniture were taking it out the door, it made me sad.  After quick analysis, I came to the conclusion that it was impactful because it represents how much of my past life I’m giving up and/or changing.  As insignificant as these items may actually be, for me they initially represented a kind of independence at the time I bought them way back nearly 15 years ago.  I’d grown attached to them, remembering all the knick knacks, photos, and kitchen/dining necessities I’d stored in and displayed on them!

It makes me realize how very difficult it must be for the elderly who have to give up so many of their possessions….some that may seem not worth thinking twice about…to move on into assisted living or nursing homes.  How in the world do they find the emotional fortitude to do it?  How do their caregivers deal with being, at times, the “heavy”, having to push them to make those decisions?  I know I wouldn’t look forward to that role.

I think my mom and Grandma Darrow had a brilliant idea…give things away BEFORE you have to downsize.  At our first family Christmas in July a couple of years ago, my mom had us all go through her things of value (and a few not so valuable) and tell her what we wanted.  Although we haven’t taken them yet (she currently has plenty of room for them), I know it gives her a good feeling knowing there will be pleasure gotten from much of what has been treasured by her.

Of course, what happens if no one wants any of my “stuff”?  Ooooo, I guess that could be a problem.  I mean, who wouldn’t want the scroll I read from doing the “House of Uncle Thomas” from my 9^th grade performance of Tuptim in The King and I????

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