As you may or may not recall, here at the White Gate our Task is “…to uncover or awaken to the essence of who we truly are…” and accomplish this by integrating the five faces that are a part of our whole being (child, youth, adult, elder, and essence).

The Challenge at this gate is to overcome the face of our ego that will not want to give up control.  There is, in fact, an acronym for FACE referred to by Arien and created by David Richo, author of the book, Shadow Dance. The acronym is:

F – Fear; A – Attachment; C – Control; E – Entitlement

Overcoming FACE (and, in essence, our ego) entails shifting…

“…our allegiances from fear to curiosity, from attachment to letting go, from control to trust, and from entitlement to humility”.

Personally, I think the second and third parts of this acronym are the most challenging for me.  Letting go and not being attached to the outcome of things is much easier said than done; and giving up control, trusting in something or someone other than myself is often times outside my comfort zone.  It could take a while to unveil my true face if I first have to conquer my ego in this way.

I think another part of the Challenge is then being able to recognize ourselves once our egos have been cast aside to make room for the five true faces.  What a transformation there should be once we get in touch with our true essence, the child inside, etc. and have them come together to form a brand new person!

Once we meet the Challenge, our reward or Gifts at the White Gate are curiosity, flexibility, and self-acceptance.  Those all feel like “comfortable” gifts to my way of thinking, so I guess I better get to work on the attachments and control issues I have!

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The second gate of the Eight Gates to Wisdom is the White Picket Gate.  It’s appropriately named, because at this gate we’re urged to see who we really are and stop believing we’re the trappings of all that we’ve built around us…the white picket fence, so to speak.  At this gate, we want to peel away all the things we say we are and that others assign to us in order to see our “true face”.  At this gate, we will hopefully discover the face that has been transformed over the years by all we’ve done and experienced and is now new, yet wiser, in appearance.

It’s time, at the White Picket Gate, to take off our masks that many of us put on each day after we get out of bed and prepare to venture out as we did yesterday and the day before.  This is a time to let a little fresh air and sunshine on your face while observing with a renewed and different point of view who it is you’ve been covering up.  As Angeles Arrien shares in this chapter:

“Often what we have long searched for in the external world has in fact always been within us, patiently awaiting our recognition, while we took detours or busied ourselves creating identities that were unrelated to our true self.”

So, in a nutshell, here is the Task for this gate:  “Uncover or awaken to the essence of who we truly are…”.  Well, we know this isn’t always easy and not always comfortable.  It’s easier to stay in the roles we’re playing that we’ve now become comfortable in.  It’s much more peaceful there…no rocking of the boat and all that “status quo” to keep it balanced.  At the White Picket Gate, you make the choice…

“…to be someone who is fully alive, a courageous explorer and adventurer who is willing to disturb the comfort of familiar roles in order to discover the true face that lies beneath…”

Part of discovering our true face involves what Arrien calls “The Integration of the Five Faces”.  These five faces consist of:

1. The Child – “…experiencing wonder, awe, and curiosity”
2. The Youth – “…sense of adventure; comfort in our own bodies…”
3. The Adult – “…experienced, trustworthy, and responsible…”
4. The Elder – “…magnificence of strength, softness, and sublety that merge to reveal a mysterious and textured wisdom”
5. The Essence – “…the timeless, radiant face of our being’s presence and essential spiritual nature.”

I don’t know about you, but I like the idea of the five faces as a part of my true self.  We certainly can’t be accused of being shallow then, unless, of course, we choose not to remove the mask and just settle for what’s on the surface.

Here are the obstacles that are going to make this gate a challenge:  (1) Continuing to seek acceptance and approval…all you approval whores out there, you know who you are [I can say that, because I’ve been one]; and (2) Sustaining a false face by “performing, pretending, and hiding”.  We know these obstacles are a part of the ego-driven side of our personalities and faces.  Unearthing all five of your faces and discovering which you’ve ignored, which don’t get along well with the others, which one(s) most often feeds your ego…this is the task at the White Picket Gate.  Next time we’ll talk about the Challenge at this gate.

How about you…are you looking in the mirror at your “true face” right now or will this gate be a hard one for you?

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Another part of the Gift is recognizing grace:

Recognizing grace in our lives is a blessing that comes from the curiosity, hope, flexibility, meaning, and gratitude that we regain at this gate.

In order to get a better handle on how this renewal and stirred up passion can lead us to discover knowledge about ourselves we may have never learned or have forgotten, Reflection is the order of the day at this point.  You’ll find below a few of the reflective questions you’re charged with pondering .  Notice I say “ponder”; that means “to weigh carefully in your mind” or meditate on.  It doesn’t mean we have to have all the answers within a finite amount of time.  Look out your window, take a walk, listen to some music…and reflect…ponder.  See what fresh wisdom comes to you.  You’re almost through this gate and the wisdom and renewed passion you gain here will be carried with you to the next.

This week, reflect on the following (taken from The Second Half of Life, Angeles Arrien):

• What generates meaning, hope, inspiration, and curiosity for you?
• Where do you experience symptoms of soul loss:  inertia, apathy, emptiness, numbness, confusion, futility, discontent, anxiety?
• What private longings and callings have you repeatedly dismissed?  What has prevented you from acting upon them?
• How do you renew and regenerate yourself?
• Where do you experience the spirit of fluency in your life and where are you willing to live “Like a river flows/Carried by the surprise/Of its own unfolding?

I would guess that some of the answers and insights we gain from this reflective time will be surprising; perhaps some will be disappointing.  Hopefully, many will provide us fresh fuel with which to stoke our four fires and light our way to the next gate!

Oh, and, by the way…have you started making your list of things you want to do for the year following your birthday that you’ve never done before?  I have!  I think I have three things so far.  It’s kind of  challenging.  Let me know what you come up with…I may want to copy you or maybe we can do it together!!!

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“…to reconnect to our regenerative forces and stay connected.”

As we get older, “regenerating” doesn’t always come so easily…physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.  Our bodies don’t always cooperate like they used to; we forget a lot; we’re spent emotionally from years of just simply dealing with life.  As described in this chapter, we can end up at the Silver Gate suffering from what Arrien refers to as “soul loss” or a disconnection from the things that fill us up and give our lives meaning.  We feel depressed, anxious, restless, and empty.

Here is where the “Challenge” comes in; we can’t let ourselves get stuck in this soul-less place.  We need to dig down deep and find that spark within ourselves that is curious and creative, that child-like fearlessness that motivates us to try new things and grow in new ways we haven’t yet experienced.

There are four fires described in this “Challenge” that we have within us all our lives:

“The fire of vision provides visions or dreams that show us possibilities and potential in our lives, inspiring us to manifest what we see or are called upon to do.  The fire of the heart teaches us about what and whom we love.  The creative fire signals the work that we love, a keen awareness of our gifts, and our desire to express them as a way of contributing to the world.  The soul’s fire calls us to be authentically who we are and serve others rather than our own egos.”

At the Silver Gate our “Challenge” is to stoke these fires, get them roaring again, and find our passion.

Once we’ve found it, the rest of the “Challenge” is taking that “internal fire” and expressing it in how we live our lives.  This is the gate where we need to get past what holds us back and throw off that inertia.

A fun example from the book came from my ancestors, the Spanish.  Apparently, an ancient custom in certain parts of the Pyrenees was practiced in order to keep “soul loss” from occurring.  Each month, for a year, on the date of your birthday, you are supposed to celebrate by doing something that you’ve never done before.  What a great way of engaging and reconnecting with the world around us and our lives!  I first read this last year and was going to try it.  I must admit, sadly, I was a dismal failure at it!! As soon as I began trying to think of things I’d never done, I started to realize why…fear, economic restrictions (no money), time, pre-conceived notions… not to mention, lack of imagination…all things that can put out your fires, if you let them.

I’d like to put out a “challenge” to all of you taking this journey to wisdom with me.  On your birthday this year, set a goal to celebrate each month for the next year by doing something you’ve never done.  I have a few months until my birthday, but I may start keeping a list now, since I found it such a “challenge” the last time.  Write a comment to me, and let me know if you’re doing it and what you’re doing to celebrate!

Let’s get reconnected and regenerated starting with one day, one month, one year!!

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The first of the eight gates in Angeles Arrien’s book is the Silver Gate:  Facing New Experiences and the Unknown.  I’m sure there are plenty from the Baby Boomer set who would say, “No thanks, I’ll just stick with the familiar and comfortable at this point in my life.”  Personally, I’m intrigued by new experiences; the “unknown” makes it sound a little more ominous!  However, I’m game!

At each Gate in the book we are given a “Task”, a “Challenge”, a “Gift”, “Reflections”, and something we’re supposed to “Practice”.  Apparently, Arrien isn’t going to make it easy for us to get through all eight gates in order to gain all that wisdom.  For the sake of making it a little simpler, I’m going to break down the journey through each gate into one blog post per section mentioned above.  I’m hopeful that some of you reading this will take this journey with me.  As a rule, I think journeys are more fun when you have company!

I’m also holding out hope that for those reading this who aren’t yet in that “Second Half of Life”, they will find it good food for thought.  After all, who’s to say you can’t get a head start on all this wisdom stuff, anyway.

The Task of the Silver Gate includes acceptance of the aging process we’re going through, the aging of both our minds and our bodies.  That’s already a hard one, don’t you think?  This means, as is pointed out in the book, letting go of our egos.  There are times when I tell myself to just let go, that it is too much work to fight it.  Then there is the other side of me that has for years said that I’m going kicking and screaming!  What I find appealing is that in letting go and accepting where we’re headed, we find freedom.

With this freedom comes the opportunity to experience not only our status as “elders”, but also discover new adventures.  Of course, the author tells us we need to:

…see our lives with new eyes so we can begin to prepare for the ultimate new experience, which is our death.

Yeah…I’m not so sure about that “adventure”.  Not that I’m afraid of acknowledging it is on my journey somewhere down the road; I’m just not ready to travel that path quite yet!  I’ve got too much living to do first…too much to discover about the next 50 years of my life!

The “essential” task of this first gate, the Silver Gate, is to live this part of your life “like a river flows” with flexibility and perseverance.  Arrien challenges us, at this gate, to:

…return to a fresh innocence and resourcefulness as we fully explore the spirit of fluency, looking at our world with expanded curiosity.

The poem she quotes, by John O’Donohue, called Fluent does give a very simple, yet attracting way, of looking at how to live life:

I would love to live

Like a river flows,

Carried by the surprise

Of its own unfolding

Float trip anyone?!!

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Since writing the post in October, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer (which has been a journey all unto itself), moved into a new apartment (which I told you I’m in love with), continued building my freelance writing business (which is still in its infancy), cultivated new friends and relationships, and even welcomed a new granddaughter, Josie!

In revisiting all my highlighted notes and mini-Post-Its (which I’m addicted to), I’m reminded of the unbelievable insights this book has to offer.  Arrien, the author, tells us that during the second half of our lives “…a fundamental and primal shift from ambition to meaning occurs.”  This shift is, she shares, what brings us to the Eight Gates of Wisdom.  In our search for meaning in our lives at this point, according to Arrien, we must make the “…journey of descent and ascent in which we reclaim the authentic self and release the false self.”

This is not an easy journey!  Who among us really enjoys looking too long or hard at the parts of our inner selves that are less than admirable…maybe even downright egotistical and self-serving!  Arrien does a great job of describing this:

In both directions, we encounter our shadows, the unclaimed, undesired, and un-befriended aspects of our natures.  To become fully developed human beings, we must confront both our demons and our angels.  If we can do this successfully, we free ourselves from the illusion of who we think we are.  We are delivered into the mystery of our true, essential being and are able to generate a new domain of freedom that is anchored in wisdom, love, and faith.

In this section, Arrien references a book that I have not yet purchased (big surprise!!!), Transformation: Growth and Change in Adult Life, by Roger Gould. In his book, she tells us, he explains how hard it is to acquire the freedom referenced above.  It’s especially difficult, as one would expect, on the descent part of the journey, “…which requires us to realistically and honestly look at our lives without denial, indulgence or embellishment.”  Arrien then relates:

To achieve an adult sense of freedom, we must come to terms with unresolved anger, disappointment, despair, fear, and feelings of repugnance concerning death.  We can no longer harbor our illusions, aversions or attachments.  Recognizing these feelings is only the first step.  We have to act, to descend into our inner terrain and dispel all that is false and at odds with our essential being.  The raw experience of descent prepares the way for increased self-knowledge and self-acceptance that are honest and true, anchored in a kind of self-confidence that is neither inflated nor deflated.  The descent allows us to experience the ascent with genuine hopefulness, curiosity, and an ennobled spirit.

I love that last line!  When I re-read this section this morning, it confirmed for me something I’ve already dealt with since my diagnosis…the disease was a gift that forced me to take a long, hard look at what has gone on in my life (especially in the last few years).  It also was a huge motivation for examining my personality traits and how they have served and NOT served me for much of my life.  It forced me to ruminate on my feelings regarding death.

One awareness I have had since my diagnosis is that I have a lot of knowledge, information, and insights to share; and the gift I was given (the love of writing…especially in the first person) is how I’m meant to do that.  It is my passion, and I’ve finally allowed myself the luxury of doing it with a purpose in mind.

If you’re in your second half of life, I hope you’ll take this journey with me.  If you’re not, I hope you’ll listen and learn in anticipation of your second half.  Part of why I’m doing this is so that my children, hopefully, will glean something from my experience that will make their journeys a little easier and less of a surprise when the time comes!

Have you had any significant happenings in your life that have already started to lead you on your journey?  I’d love to hear about them!

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As I started to read it, my restlessness began to make sense to me.  There’s a lot of responsibility to ourselves that comes in our second half of life!  This book makes you feel positive and proud of being in this second half stage.  Angeles Arrien, the author, explains,

“If we truly understand what is required of us at this stage, we are blessed with an enormous opportunity to develop and embody wisdom and character.  We enjoy limitless possibilities to restore, renew, and heal ourselves.  And because of our increased longevity, for the first time in history, we also have the opportunity to create a map of spiritual maturity for future generations to use as they enter their own later years”.

She also charges,

“The second half of life presents us with the opportunity to develop increased depth, integrity, and character…or not.  The choice is always ours.  If we choose to grow and achieve ever-deepening wisdom, we must be willing to do the personal work necessary….”

Now, according to this author, this stage of our lives “requires that we come to understand what has been most significant and meaningful in our lives”.  Ms. Arrien also tells us that in this, the second half of our lives, “…a fundamental and primal shift from ambition to meaning occurs”.  She talks about how this shift can include a change in career, moving somewhere new or even relationship upheavals.

But here is the part that gave me a little “aha moment” in regards to that restlessness I mentioned earlier.

Ms. Arrien shares that:

“With this shift comes an initial restlessness, irritability, anxiety or discontent with our situation and a deep questioning of the motivation surrounding our choices in career and relationships.  Everything comes up for review.”

I have so far found the book enlightening, thought provoking, and challenging.  There are eight “gates” that we are supposed to pass through in order to reach our true potential during this time of our lives, starting with the Silver Gate, which is Facing New Experiences and the Unknown.  My intention is to do the personal work and pass through all eight gates in time.  Maybe you’ll want to join me!  I may even ask for help along the way!

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