Thrive to 105

I can’t believe it’s been seven months since I posted regarding The Second Half of Life book!  That means, of course, it’s been seven months since I’ve done anything with it!  In my defense, I’ve been going through the “…abrupt, unexpected changes…” in my life that the book tells us we can go through in order to “…align with what truly touches our hearts and has meaning for us.”

Since writing the post in October, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer (which has been a journey all unto itself), moved into a new apartment (which I told you I’m in love with), continued building my freelance writing business (which is still in its infancy), cultivated new friends and relationships, and even welcomed a new granddaughter, Josie!

In revisiting all my highlighted notes and mini-Post-Its (which I’m addicted to), I’m reminded of the unbelievable insights this book has to offer.  Arrien, the author, tells us that during the second half of our lives “…a fundamental and primal shift from ambition to meaning occurs.”  This shift is, she shares, what brings us to the Eight Gates of Wisdom.  In our search for meaning in our lives at this point, according to Arrien, we must make the “…journey of descent and ascent in which we reclaim the authentic self and release the false self.”

This is not an easy journey!  Who among us really enjoys looking too long or hard at the parts of our inner selves that are less than admirable…maybe even downright egotistical and self-serving!  Arrien does a great job of describing this:

In both directions, we encounter our shadows, the unclaimed, undesired, and un-befriended aspects of our natures.  To become fully developed human beings, we must confront both our demons and our angels.  If we can do this successfully, we free ourselves from the illusion of who we think we are.  We are delivered into the mystery of our true, essential being and are able to generate a new domain of freedom that is anchored in wisdom, love, and faith.

In this section, Arrien references a book that I have not yet purchased (big surprise!!!), Transformation: Growth and Change in Adult Life, by Roger Gould. In his book, she tells us, he explains how hard it is to acquire the freedom referenced above.  It’s especially difficult, as one would expect, on the descent part of the journey, “…which requires us to realistically and honestly look at our lives without denial, indulgence or embellishment.”  Arrien then relates:

To achieve an adult sense of freedom, we must come to terms with unresolved anger, disappointment, despair, fear, and feelings of repugnance concerning death.  We can no longer harbor our illusions, aversions or attachments.  Recognizing these feelings is only the first step.  We have to act, to descend into our inner terrain and dispel all that is false and at odds with our essential being.  The raw experience of descent prepares the way for increased self-knowledge and self-acceptance that are honest and true, anchored in a kind of self-confidence that is neither inflated nor deflated.  The descent allows us to experience the ascent with genuine hopefulness, curiosity, and an ennobled spirit.

I love that last line!  When I re-read this section this morning, it confirmed for me something I’ve already dealt with since my diagnosis…the disease was a gift that forced me to take a long, hard look at what has gone on in my life (especially in the last few years).  It also was a huge motivation for examining my personality traits and how they have served and NOT served me for much of my life.  It forced me to ruminate on my feelings regarding death.

One awareness I have had since my diagnosis is that I have a lot of knowledge, information, and insights to share; and the gift I was given (the love of writing…especially in the first person) is how I’m meant to do that.  It is my passion, and I’ve finally allowed myself the luxury of doing it with a purpose in mind.

If you’re in your second half of life, I hope you’ll take this journey with me.  If you’re not, I hope you’ll listen and learn in anticipation of your second half.  Part of why I’m doing this is so that my children, hopefully, will glean something from my experience that will make their journeys a little easier and less of a surprise when the time comes!

Have you had any significant happenings in your life that have already started to lead you on your journey?  I’d love to hear about them!

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